When faced with this kind of decision, I consider there to be two likely outcomes: I can go, and have a terrible time—whether a few minutes or a few hours—if it does prove to be a shitshow, or I can skip it and risk forever regretting that I didn’t go. (I say “likely” outcomes, because the possibility also exists that it won’t be the worst time I’ve ever spent.)
Whatever you decide, know that you are making the decision that YOU need to make, for yourself, not for him, or to appease anyone else.
The shorter version is a coin flip: if one outcome makes you think “Let’s go best two out of three…” then you know what your heart wants.
Give yourself all the permission to feel all the things. Sending you healing thoughts as you navigate this. ❤️
Oh, Katrina... I wish your dad could have been there for you and your family. There is something that really helped me with a decision that I had to make with mine decades ago after he had left our family and my mom's heart shattered in a thousand pieces like your mom. I envisioned him as a young boy, and I could see the hurting parts of him. I even thought of him not as dad, yet as Jim. This enabled me to make a decision that was going to be the best for me. I will not share what I decided, because this post is not about me, yet about you landing within quietly, softly, and asking what feels possible in this now moment? Your answer may change in a matter of minutes, yet my hope is that whatever you decide, that you trust your decision because it is yours. Go easy, little turtle. You have everything within to decide. 🐢💚
Katrina, what a tough situation. It is good you are giving yourself permission to be confused, to choose to either attend the funeral or not, to simply write through whatever this is that you're going through. What you teach me, time and again through your writing, is the complexities of human relationships. I especially appreciated this line in today's essay, because it feels universal to me: "It’s the reason she doesn’t like me. It’s the only story about me she knows." When we only know one story about a person, how can we say we understand who they are? Thank you for sharing your heart always.
This is a powerful and honest article to share. I am sorry you did not receive the love and security you needed from your dad. Whichever decision you make I am sending you peace and strength 🤍
I think the answer is... Will you have regrets if you don't go? If not, there isn't any reason to go. Many people choose this option and instead say farewell in another way, not beside an earthly body, but to spirit. Is this enough for you?
You don't owe him anything.
Would he show up for you? History says no, so it really comes down to what do you need to do for you?
The girlfriend also should not factor into your decision, she could have tried to understand what must have happened for you to write those words and she chose not to. Her opinion or perceived discomfort is irrelevant. Sending love as always.
Thank you for sharing this, Katrina. A difficult place to be in (been there), yet, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. I pray you will have the closure and peace you need, and that your dad has that as well. Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜
Whatever you decide it will be for you and not him. ♥️ I have confidence you will make the right decision.
This makes me ache for you. Holding a peaceful place in my heart — I hope whatever you decide, that peace follows you. ❤️
Beautifully expressed.
When faced with this kind of decision, I consider there to be two likely outcomes: I can go, and have a terrible time—whether a few minutes or a few hours—if it does prove to be a shitshow, or I can skip it and risk forever regretting that I didn’t go. (I say “likely” outcomes, because the possibility also exists that it won’t be the worst time I’ve ever spent.)
Whatever you decide, know that you are making the decision that YOU need to make, for yourself, not for him, or to appease anyone else.
The shorter version is a coin flip: if one outcome makes you think “Let’s go best two out of three…” then you know what your heart wants.
Give yourself all the permission to feel all the things. Sending you healing thoughts as you navigate this. ❤️
Oh, Katrina... I wish your dad could have been there for you and your family. There is something that really helped me with a decision that I had to make with mine decades ago after he had left our family and my mom's heart shattered in a thousand pieces like your mom. I envisioned him as a young boy, and I could see the hurting parts of him. I even thought of him not as dad, yet as Jim. This enabled me to make a decision that was going to be the best for me. I will not share what I decided, because this post is not about me, yet about you landing within quietly, softly, and asking what feels possible in this now moment? Your answer may change in a matter of minutes, yet my hope is that whatever you decide, that you trust your decision because it is yours. Go easy, little turtle. You have everything within to decide. 🐢💚
Katrina, what a tough situation. It is good you are giving yourself permission to be confused, to choose to either attend the funeral or not, to simply write through whatever this is that you're going through. What you teach me, time and again through your writing, is the complexities of human relationships. I especially appreciated this line in today's essay, because it feels universal to me: "It’s the reason she doesn’t like me. It’s the only story about me she knows." When we only know one story about a person, how can we say we understand who they are? Thank you for sharing your heart always.
This is a powerful and honest article to share. I am sorry you did not receive the love and security you needed from your dad. Whichever decision you make I am sending you peace and strength 🤍
I think the answer is... Will you have regrets if you don't go? If not, there isn't any reason to go. Many people choose this option and instead say farewell in another way, not beside an earthly body, but to spirit. Is this enough for you?
You don't owe him anything.
Would he show up for you? History says no, so it really comes down to what do you need to do for you?
The girlfriend also should not factor into your decision, she could have tried to understand what must have happened for you to write those words and she chose not to. Her opinion or perceived discomfort is irrelevant. Sending love as always.
Your first question is exactly what I was thinking too. A hard “gut check” on the regrets question should guide someone well.
Thank you for sharing this, Katrina. A difficult place to be in (been there), yet, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. I pray you will have the closure and peace you need, and that your dad has that as well. Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜
Hi Katrina
Too bad that’s all she knows of you
Lots for you to consider
Best wishes