I so resonate with this! I didn't dream of marriage or kids until I had both. And I had a marriage to a great man for 17 years, and we have a non-binary kid who may not want their own kids, and that's SO VERY OKAY! I also cringe at the messages I see on Love is Blind (hetero-version, which is the only version for now... did you watch Ultimatum: Queer Love?) and on pretty much every single mainstream input around marriage. 🤮 In the last chapter of my book, Midlife Emergence, I wrote about attending a wedding just after my divorce, and how I felt like a bitter, old, divorced, gay woman. Maybe I am.... But thank you for this post. 💜
Same, Katrina: no dreams of marriage or kids here. When I got married at 28, my close friend who was 29 and had been dreaming about it forever and ever became really weird and resentful that it was happening to me when I didn’t care so much. She then started overcompensating for this resentment by wanting to throw me the usual pre-wedding events like a bridal shower and a bachelorette party but with a rabid intensity, even after I repeatedly told her I wanted none of that. The final straw came when I allowed her to be the only unpartnered invitee to bring a plus one (so she would maybe feel less bad during MY wedding), and then she whined incessantly to me about who she’d bring. She was the only stressful part of my wedding planning. I couldn’t take it anymore and about a month before the wedding, I ended the friendship for good and never looked back. A friend who can’t put aside their own shit and just be happy for you is no one you need around.
I am one of those hopeless romantics who actually did dream of my wedding day from a very, very young age.
But not kids. Not at all kids until I was almost 30, had lost my career as a school counselor, and woke up every day in a big, empty house after Ben left for work.
I've never watched this show, but it smells a lot like The Bachelor to me, which I've always scrunched my nose at. I'm all about a beautiful wedding, but it's not all there is, for sure.
Also, I have five kids, ages thirteen and under, and I never say to them, "WHEN you get married" or "WHEN you have kids," which is what I heard growing up. It was a given back in the 80s, I guess, from my Baby Boomer parents.
I tell my kids instead that they may or may not marry, may or may not have kids. They get to decide what their life will be, and I'll still be their mom to support them through it.
I so resonate with this! I didn't dream of marriage or kids until I had both. And I had a marriage to a great man for 17 years, and we have a non-binary kid who may not want their own kids, and that's SO VERY OKAY! I also cringe at the messages I see on Love is Blind (hetero-version, which is the only version for now... did you watch Ultimatum: Queer Love?) and on pretty much every single mainstream input around marriage. 🤮 In the last chapter of my book, Midlife Emergence, I wrote about attending a wedding just after my divorce, and how I felt like a bitter, old, divorced, gay woman. Maybe I am.... But thank you for this post. 💜
Same, Katrina: no dreams of marriage or kids here. When I got married at 28, my close friend who was 29 and had been dreaming about it forever and ever became really weird and resentful that it was happening to me when I didn’t care so much. She then started overcompensating for this resentment by wanting to throw me the usual pre-wedding events like a bridal shower and a bachelorette party but with a rabid intensity, even after I repeatedly told her I wanted none of that. The final straw came when I allowed her to be the only unpartnered invitee to bring a plus one (so she would maybe feel less bad during MY wedding), and then she whined incessantly to me about who she’d bring. She was the only stressful part of my wedding planning. I couldn’t take it anymore and about a month before the wedding, I ended the friendship for good and never looked back. A friend who can’t put aside their own shit and just be happy for you is no one you need around.
Hey Katrina,
I am one of those hopeless romantics who actually did dream of my wedding day from a very, very young age.
But not kids. Not at all kids until I was almost 30, had lost my career as a school counselor, and woke up every day in a big, empty house after Ben left for work.
I've never watched this show, but it smells a lot like The Bachelor to me, which I've always scrunched my nose at. I'm all about a beautiful wedding, but it's not all there is, for sure.
Also, I have five kids, ages thirteen and under, and I never say to them, "WHEN you get married" or "WHEN you have kids," which is what I heard growing up. It was a given back in the 80s, I guess, from my Baby Boomer parents.
I tell my kids instead that they may or may not marry, may or may not have kids. They get to decide what their life will be, and I'll still be their mom to support them through it.