A few thoughts I have - you didn't make a mistake, you did the exact right things in order to get to where you are now - a better manuscript! Reach back out to the agents you queried, let them know you made changes etc.., use the Binder networks, and whatever you do - don't give up.
Are you on QueryTracker News? They send a free weekly email with agents who are looking for authors and what genre they're accepting queries for. I believe in you and your book, it will make it out into the world. I know it feels so much tougher these days, but what if it's not? What if it's possible to find where it's needed? :) I believe you will with my whole being!! And when you doubt that, just let me know, I'll remind you over and over again!
Thanks for all your love and support, Mesa! And for your wise words! I'm going to reach back out to the agents who were interested. What do I have to lose? (And yes, I'm on QueryTracker News.) XO
I’m with her. REQUERY THEM! Let them know you’ve rewritten the story. What do you have to lose? Do it, or I’ll send you the longest voice memo of your LIFE.
Your essay is exactly where I am right now with my own memoir.
There's so much discouragement. So much getting stuck in my head. So much doubt.
I hear everything, every last word, of what you're saying. And here's what I'm telling you: don't put Hurricane Lessons away. Don't quit.
I'm one of your beta readers, and it's excellent. I read prolifically, one book after another, sometimes more than one at a time. I know crap writing from fantastic writing.
Yours is fantastic.
What upsets me about the publishing industry is that it appears to be for the privileged and elite: for those who have specific connections and/or those who have money to pay for access to the gatekeepers or the "best" editors, etc.
I've asked myself, what about the voices who aren't being heard because they don't have these things? I don't have these things.
Point is: excellence takes time. You've invested 4.5+ years into this so far. This is the story of your heart, so yes, the silence and the rejection surrounding it hurts. I get that, too.
But please promise me something? If you don't give up, I won't, either. Maybe we just need a cheerleader in our court. I'm good at that. I did it for another Substack-er today. I'm happy to be yours, too.
Not sure how this will go down with you but I’d sit in meditation and ask myself “what am I afraid of?”
This book sounds a BIG deal. Worthy of a big deal. There’s a knowing you have that this is thee book. The market for this material must be huge. We all want to hear from someone who’s been through the wringer and come out the other side.
You’ve done the work. Gone the distance. The book is there. It’s ready. Yet you feel like you’ve made a mistake. That there’s no longer the interest.
I feel like your protective personality is trying to keep you safe. But the big question is, why?
I love this, Amber. I'm terrified of not getting this book out there, but I might be more terrified if I DO get it out there. It's real. It's raw. It's a LOT. I'm worried about the reactions of my friends and family. And I'm most worried about my kids, even though they're all adults who have given me the green light to keep going. And maybe, deep down inside, I'm worried about being successful. I've always had worthiness issues, and I've obviously not conquered them yet. Thanks for the encouragement to dig more deeply. XOXO
Ahh I’m so glad that was well received. Well done for airing your worries and giving it space to be voiced! I think the reason I was so bold to suggest it is because I’m sat with all the same fears about my own book!
I won a competition to have a short story printed into an ebook and oh my goodness, I have never been this vulnerable before. There’s one thing with all I talk about on here but this ebook is a whole other level of vulnerability. So far I’ve soothed myself by telling myself no one will read it anyway! As in, those I know. Because actually not everyone will. And maybe those we’d prefer didn’t read it won’t?
And then I remind myself that the reason I’m sharing this is so that others can learn. They will see themselves in it and that is how they will relate. It helps because it makes it not all about me.
I’m so glad to hear your adult kids are cheerleading you on🤩 like yourself, I’m working on my worthiness. I’ve done alot with self belief and worthiness continues to pop up for more attention.
Stop and think Kat. Maybe you aren't getting a bite because they aren't the right people. Everything happens for a reason. I agree with Mesa Fama, no mistakes. Everything brought you to write better so that this book is the book it needs to be. A thousand times yes, go back to those you queried before and let them see the journey you've taken to get here.
"GURRRRLLLL...you got this. It is FINE. Know how I know? Cuz in the talent show in 5th grade, I sang a song about an ugly duckling...'with feathers all furry and brown, and the other ducks in so many words said QUACK, get out of town.'" And believe it or not, I LOST. In 1982 (and apparently in 2020) the world was not ready for such talent. So, what did I do?...I came back in 6th grade and WON SECOND PLACE! (I'm still somewhat bitter that Tracy Manning beat me playing her GD violin, but whatever.) TWENTY-TWENTY FOUR IS YOUR YEAR...I feel a HURRICANE A'COMING!!!!!
After that, it tends to launch into anything really...the lack of carbs in tuna, how my sweet husband always wakes up in a good mood, my friend who never wipes the smudges off her phone camera and her pictures always suck because they're blurry, or how I keep cutting off my shorts because not only is 2024 the year Katrina gets a book deal, but it is also the year that gay guys wear shorter shorts. This business goes on for between 3 and 8 minutes.
I can hear you speak every damn word of this while I settle in with a glass of wine, Matt Bays. But what about your leg workouts? Are you down with those? And will you be having ice cream tonight? Graeter’s? And how was your Garlic Expressions? Do you know that my high school BFF introduced me to that the second I moved to Ohio? I love you. Hugs to your hot hubby. Keep cutting those short shorts. It’s 2024, Baby!! XOXO ❤️
No leg workout too Saturday. No ice cream til Saturday. Garlic expressions EVERY DAMN DAY! I will hug Chris super tight and tell him it’s from both our strength. Hug Julie the same way, and I’ll send a voice memo soonly.
Hi -- I don't know what the etiquette is, but I wonder if you couldn't take a shot at those agents again, explaining that it is essentially a different manuscript? Maybe you could ask Courtney? I believe in your book!
Katrina, you might consider looking at some highly regarded contests run by University or other presses. A friend recently won publication for her memoir from the University of Georgia Press. It's a pretty big deal, and she's gotten additional accolades because of it.
I would also suggest to re-think your thoughts about indie publishing. In my opinion, external validation comes from readers not from publishers. When you go the indie route, which is what I'm planning to do with my two memoirs, "Accidental Mentors" and "If You Only Knew," you have full control of everything, from where you market it to how long it stays in print to how much you make on it. Even if you find an agent, it might be years before a publisher buys it, and even then, the chances are small that they will. If you want to get your book out there, I suggest considering doing it yourself.
All that being said, you can query agents again as long as you let them know how you've revised it. You might also pitch agents at writers conferences. That gives a one-on-one shot to convince them. James River Writers Conference in Richmond VA, for example, includes an agent pitch in the reg price.
Good luck whatever you decide! I, for one, would love to see your book out in the world. We need more lesbian memoirs!
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Annette. I've done writers conference pitches in the past, but I haven't been to a conference for many years. I'd love to attend another one some time soon. I love the connections that are made there. And thank you, too, for the encouragement to pursue indie publishing. I have such a hang-up about this particular book, and I'm not sure why. I'm going to do some thoughtful meditating (as Amber suggested above) and try to figure out how to break through it. I can't wait to read your memoirs! XO
I’ll be interested in learning what you decide! And you’re welcome to read mine in serialized form here on Substack. My plan is to have them in print and e-book by the end of September. In the meantime, you can find them for free here: https://www.annettemarquis.com/p/welcome-to-my-world.
And thank you for reading! That’s what it’s really all about—having people read our words and have those words cause them to see their own lives in a slightly different way. I love that!
Thank you for this. I am all over the place with my own memoir writing at the moment, and I know the lessons you've shared are going to stay with me as I try to make sense of my sprawling, messy life.
Keep going! I can't wait to read this book in print one day soon!
I am not an author, yet I am a cheerleader. 📣 The ways in which those who have knowledge, experience within this realm came around you so closely to weigh in and to share is heartwarming. You GO, Katrina, and trust that what you are offering, your lived experience will find its way out into the world. We’ve GOT you❣️Let’s get those happy feet 👣 moving once again. No mistakes rather learning opportunities and that’s why when we were kids our erasers ✏️ on our pencils ran out long before the pencil did. We were gifting ourselves another opportunity and chance. 🙌🏼
Thank you so much for your amazing cheerleading, Joanie! And I love your line about pencils and erasers. Such a great reminder to keep going and to keep learning. :) XO
Because you were all so kind to respond, I wanted to let you know that I received an email from a publisher last night who'd read my HuffPo article. I sent HURRICANE LESSONS to her, and I'm sitting here holding my breath. (Not really, though. She has a 4-month turnaround time, so I get to practice patience... and breathing.) XOXO
A few thoughts I have - you didn't make a mistake, you did the exact right things in order to get to where you are now - a better manuscript! Reach back out to the agents you queried, let them know you made changes etc.., use the Binder networks, and whatever you do - don't give up.
Are you on QueryTracker News? They send a free weekly email with agents who are looking for authors and what genre they're accepting queries for. I believe in you and your book, it will make it out into the world. I know it feels so much tougher these days, but what if it's not? What if it's possible to find where it's needed? :) I believe you will with my whole being!! And when you doubt that, just let me know, I'll remind you over and over again!
Thanks for all your love and support, Mesa! And for your wise words! I'm going to reach back out to the agents who were interested. What do I have to lose? (And yes, I'm on QueryTracker News.) XO
You're welcome! I figured you probably did! I'm excited for you and I can't wait to celebrate you!!
You are the best my friend, truly. 🥰❤️
She is, isn't she? Everyone needs a Mesa in their lives.
I’m with her. REQUERY THEM! Let them know you’ve rewritten the story. What do you have to lose? Do it, or I’ll send you the longest voice memo of your LIFE.
I am loudly laughing out loud at the longest voice memo of your life! Hahahahahahahaha!
Not to brag, but it’s my superpower.
Brag away..that's an amazing superpower! I'd brag all over the place, in voice memos! ;)
Mesa, I cannot EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT Matt’s epic voice memos!! 😂❤️
Katrina!
Your essay is exactly where I am right now with my own memoir.
There's so much discouragement. So much getting stuck in my head. So much doubt.
I hear everything, every last word, of what you're saying. And here's what I'm telling you: don't put Hurricane Lessons away. Don't quit.
I'm one of your beta readers, and it's excellent. I read prolifically, one book after another, sometimes more than one at a time. I know crap writing from fantastic writing.
Yours is fantastic.
What upsets me about the publishing industry is that it appears to be for the privileged and elite: for those who have specific connections and/or those who have money to pay for access to the gatekeepers or the "best" editors, etc.
I've asked myself, what about the voices who aren't being heard because they don't have these things? I don't have these things.
Point is: excellence takes time. You've invested 4.5+ years into this so far. This is the story of your heart, so yes, the silence and the rejection surrounding it hurts. I get that, too.
But please promise me something? If you don't give up, I won't, either. Maybe we just need a cheerleader in our court. I'm good at that. I did it for another Substack-er today. I'm happy to be yours, too.
It's a deal, Jeannie. We'll both keep on keepin' on! I'm cheering for you, too! XO
Somehow that sense of accountability really helps fuel my drive to keep on, Katrina. Thank you for that. ❤️
Not sure how this will go down with you but I’d sit in meditation and ask myself “what am I afraid of?”
This book sounds a BIG deal. Worthy of a big deal. There’s a knowing you have that this is thee book. The market for this material must be huge. We all want to hear from someone who’s been through the wringer and come out the other side.
You’ve done the work. Gone the distance. The book is there. It’s ready. Yet you feel like you’ve made a mistake. That there’s no longer the interest.
I feel like your protective personality is trying to keep you safe. But the big question is, why?
I love this, Amber. I'm terrified of not getting this book out there, but I might be more terrified if I DO get it out there. It's real. It's raw. It's a LOT. I'm worried about the reactions of my friends and family. And I'm most worried about my kids, even though they're all adults who have given me the green light to keep going. And maybe, deep down inside, I'm worried about being successful. I've always had worthiness issues, and I've obviously not conquered them yet. Thanks for the encouragement to dig more deeply. XOXO
Ahh I’m so glad that was well received. Well done for airing your worries and giving it space to be voiced! I think the reason I was so bold to suggest it is because I’m sat with all the same fears about my own book!
I won a competition to have a short story printed into an ebook and oh my goodness, I have never been this vulnerable before. There’s one thing with all I talk about on here but this ebook is a whole other level of vulnerability. So far I’ve soothed myself by telling myself no one will read it anyway! As in, those I know. Because actually not everyone will. And maybe those we’d prefer didn’t read it won’t?
And then I remind myself that the reason I’m sharing this is so that others can learn. They will see themselves in it and that is how they will relate. It helps because it makes it not all about me.
I’m so glad to hear your adult kids are cheerleading you on🤩 like yourself, I’m working on my worthiness. I’ve done alot with self belief and worthiness continues to pop up for more attention.
Stop and think Kat. Maybe you aren't getting a bite because they aren't the right people. Everything happens for a reason. I agree with Mesa Fama, no mistakes. Everything brought you to write better so that this book is the book it needs to be. A thousand times yes, go back to those you queried before and let them see the journey you've taken to get here.
Lastly, don't you dare put it back in the closet!
I won't put it away. I promise. Thank you for the encouragement and advice. It's so very much appreciated. XO
It goes a little something like this...
"GURRRRLLLL...you got this. It is FINE. Know how I know? Cuz in the talent show in 5th grade, I sang a song about an ugly duckling...'with feathers all furry and brown, and the other ducks in so many words said QUACK, get out of town.'" And believe it or not, I LOST. In 1982 (and apparently in 2020) the world was not ready for such talent. So, what did I do?...I came back in 6th grade and WON SECOND PLACE! (I'm still somewhat bitter that Tracy Manning beat me playing her GD violin, but whatever.) TWENTY-TWENTY FOUR IS YOUR YEAR...I feel a HURRICANE A'COMING!!!!!
After that, it tends to launch into anything really...the lack of carbs in tuna, how my sweet husband always wakes up in a good mood, my friend who never wipes the smudges off her phone camera and her pictures always suck because they're blurry, or how I keep cutting off my shorts because not only is 2024 the year Katrina gets a book deal, but it is also the year that gay guys wear shorter shorts. This business goes on for between 3 and 8 minutes.
Now you know. Nice to meet you, Mesa!
I can hear you speak every damn word of this while I settle in with a glass of wine, Matt Bays. But what about your leg workouts? Are you down with those? And will you be having ice cream tonight? Graeter’s? And how was your Garlic Expressions? Do you know that my high school BFF introduced me to that the second I moved to Ohio? I love you. Hugs to your hot hubby. Keep cutting those short shorts. It’s 2024, Baby!! XOXO ❤️
No leg workout too Saturday. No ice cream til Saturday. Garlic expressions EVERY DAMN DAY! I will hug Chris super tight and tell him it’s from both our strength. Hug Julie the same way, and I’ll send a voice memo soonly.
Hi -- I don't know what the etiquette is, but I wonder if you couldn't take a shot at those agents again, explaining that it is essentially a different manuscript? Maybe you could ask Courtney? I believe in your book!
Thank you so much, Tracy. I'm going to go back to the OG agents as so many of you have suggested. XO
👏This is what I felt the course of action is I would want to take in this scenario too.
Me three!
Katrina, you might consider looking at some highly regarded contests run by University or other presses. A friend recently won publication for her memoir from the University of Georgia Press. It's a pretty big deal, and she's gotten additional accolades because of it.
I would also suggest to re-think your thoughts about indie publishing. In my opinion, external validation comes from readers not from publishers. When you go the indie route, which is what I'm planning to do with my two memoirs, "Accidental Mentors" and "If You Only Knew," you have full control of everything, from where you market it to how long it stays in print to how much you make on it. Even if you find an agent, it might be years before a publisher buys it, and even then, the chances are small that they will. If you want to get your book out there, I suggest considering doing it yourself.
All that being said, you can query agents again as long as you let them know how you've revised it. You might also pitch agents at writers conferences. That gives a one-on-one shot to convince them. James River Writers Conference in Richmond VA, for example, includes an agent pitch in the reg price.
Good luck whatever you decide! I, for one, would love to see your book out in the world. We need more lesbian memoirs!
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Annette. I've done writers conference pitches in the past, but I haven't been to a conference for many years. I'd love to attend another one some time soon. I love the connections that are made there. And thank you, too, for the encouragement to pursue indie publishing. I have such a hang-up about this particular book, and I'm not sure why. I'm going to do some thoughtful meditating (as Amber suggested above) and try to figure out how to break through it. I can't wait to read your memoirs! XO
I’ll be interested in learning what you decide! And you’re welcome to read mine in serialized form here on Substack. My plan is to have them in print and e-book by the end of September. In the meantime, you can find them for free here: https://www.annettemarquis.com/p/welcome-to-my-world.
Wonderful! I've been reading excerpts, but I didn't realize they were both on Substack in full. Thanks, Annette!
And thank you for reading! That’s what it’s really all about—having people read our words and have those words cause them to see their own lives in a slightly different way. I love that!
Well, I still have a few more chapters to publish of "If You Only Knew," so it's not 100% there, but it will be by early July.
Have you tried university presses?
I haven't yet, Joy, but they're on my list for sure. XO
Thank you for this. I am all over the place with my own memoir writing at the moment, and I know the lessons you've shared are going to stay with me as I try to make sense of my sprawling, messy life.
Keep going! I can't wait to read this book in print one day soon!
Writing our sprawling, messy lives will someday help others. I'm sure of it. XO
I relate to needing the big yes as affirmation of your life
I wish I knew why it was so important to me, but I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one who feels that way. Thanks, Wendy. XO
I am not an author, yet I am a cheerleader. 📣 The ways in which those who have knowledge, experience within this realm came around you so closely to weigh in and to share is heartwarming. You GO, Katrina, and trust that what you are offering, your lived experience will find its way out into the world. We’ve GOT you❣️Let’s get those happy feet 👣 moving once again. No mistakes rather learning opportunities and that’s why when we were kids our erasers ✏️ on our pencils ran out long before the pencil did. We were gifting ourselves another opportunity and chance. 🙌🏼
Thank you so much for your amazing cheerleading, Joanie! And I love your line about pencils and erasers. Such a great reminder to keep going and to keep learning. :) XO
Because you were all so kind to respond, I wanted to let you know that I received an email from a publisher last night who'd read my HuffPo article. I sent HURRICANE LESSONS to her, and I'm sitting here holding my breath. (Not really, though. She has a 4-month turnaround time, so I get to practice patience... and breathing.) XOXO