The Biggest Mistake I Made with My Memoir
A lesson from the trenches
HURRICANE LESSONS is finally finished. Finished, finished.
Even though I began querying it in 2020.
That was rookie mistake number one: Querying too soon. Of course, in 2020, I thought my memoir was finished. I had been working on it for three years; had hired a well-respected developmental editor (the amazing Alice Anderson) to critique it; had written, rewritten, and then rewritten again… a number of times. I’d had beta readers, had incorporated their feedback. I’d done all the things I thought I was supposed to do.
But looking back now, I can see that it clearly wasn’t ready to query. (Hindsight, why do you always have to be SO RIGHT?)
In 2020, I received a bit of interest. I had a few agents request full manuscripts, but nothing materialized, so I went back in for more edits, more beta readers, more feedback.
2024 is a different time for memoir. And for me, personally. This time around, I’ve had zero interest. And I know for a fact that this book is better now than it was in 2020.
Unless you’re a celebrity with a proven following (read: guaranteed book sales), memoir is a tough beast to sell these days. I can’t get my foot in the door, even with the brilliant
telling me my opening page was “nearly perfect.” I’ve taken query letter courses. I’ve worked with a book coach. I’ve strengthened my narrative arc. I’ve developed a tight and compelling elevator pitch. I’ve solicited and incorporated feedback ad nauseam. I’ve published companion pieces. I’ve had NYT bestselling authors offer me early blurbs because they love the book so much. I’ve reworked my proposal until my eyes nearly bled. (Okay, that might be a bit dramatic.)And… crickets.
The worst part is that I took my shot at my top agents back in 2020, and I don’t feel like it’s right to hit them again, four years later.
That was my biggest rookie mistake.
So, I’m left wondering what to do.
This memoir is special to me. It chronicles my family, my coming out, my divorce, the societal expectations and personal experiences that kept me closeted. But it’s bigger than that as well. I know in my bones this book will benefit those who are stuck in a situation that doesn’t serve them or their loved ones. HURRICANE LESSONS is the memoir someone else needs in order to understand that there’s happiness and peace and life after total destruction, even if you are the cause of the destruction.
There are so many options in publishing today. I would publish with
and She Writes Press 1,000 times over again if I could afford the subsidy. But I can’t. I no longer have that kind of financial privilege. There are authors who find small presses to publish with. I am not one of those authors—at least not yet. And then there’s the self-publishing route. Many have put beautiful books out themselves and have found their readers, but for me, that’s not the route for HURRICANE LESSONS. I’m happy to self-publish books that aren’t pieces of my heart and soul, but for this book, I want and need the stamp of approval from someone else who says, Yes. This book is important. I hate that that kind of external validation is important to me, but for this particular book, it is.And so I’m stuck wondering what to do next.
I still have some agents to query and some small presses to reach out to, but I’m feeling the weight of rejection. And, friends, it’s heavy. As a writer, of course, I’m used to daily rejection, but this. This feels so much heavier. It’s a rejection of my most important story, and the story of so many others.
This one is Hard with a capital H.
I’ve shoved many of my books back into a drawer (or more accurately, back into a Google Drive folder called “Nope”). I’ve abandoned pieces that weren’t meant to see the light of day. But HURRICANE LESSONS is different.
Writer friends, what have you done when you’ve hit this kind of wall? What would you do in my shoes?
Is it time to put HURRICANE LESSONS back in the closet?
My shoes are sad right now, and I’m not sure how to make them happier.
A few thoughts I have - you didn't make a mistake, you did the exact right things in order to get to where you are now - a better manuscript! Reach back out to the agents you queried, let them know you made changes etc.., use the Binder networks, and whatever you do - don't give up.
Are you on QueryTracker News? They send a free weekly email with agents who are looking for authors and what genre they're accepting queries for. I believe in you and your book, it will make it out into the world. I know it feels so much tougher these days, but what if it's not? What if it's possible to find where it's needed? :) I believe you will with my whole being!! And when you doubt that, just let me know, I'll remind you over and over again!
Katrina!
Your essay is exactly where I am right now with my own memoir.
There's so much discouragement. So much getting stuck in my head. So much doubt.
I hear everything, every last word, of what you're saying. And here's what I'm telling you: don't put Hurricane Lessons away. Don't quit.
I'm one of your beta readers, and it's excellent. I read prolifically, one book after another, sometimes more than one at a time. I know crap writing from fantastic writing.
Yours is fantastic.
What upsets me about the publishing industry is that it appears to be for the privileged and elite: for those who have specific connections and/or those who have money to pay for access to the gatekeepers or the "best" editors, etc.
I've asked myself, what about the voices who aren't being heard because they don't have these things? I don't have these things.
Point is: excellence takes time. You've invested 4.5+ years into this so far. This is the story of your heart, so yes, the silence and the rejection surrounding it hurts. I get that, too.
But please promise me something? If you don't give up, I won't, either. Maybe we just need a cheerleader in our court. I'm good at that. I did it for another Substack-er today. I'm happy to be yours, too.