Katrina, August 25th will be the third anniversary of my husband's death from cancer. He was 53. Andrea Gibson, poet laureate of Colorado says, "Let your heart break so your spirit doesn't." It took me two years to let my heart break over his death. I was afraid I would be consumed by grief if I let myself fully feel the depth of my sorrow. Distracting myself only postponed the inevitable. I discovered that once I gave in to grief, I also connected to the love we shared. This may sound bizarre, but I look forward to my ugly cries because that's when I feel closest to him. There's no right way to grieve, but there's no wrong way either. Sending hugs and tissues, XO Amy
Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved husband. 53 is just far too young, but we don't get to have a say in that, do we? I lost my sister at 58 to glioblastoma. Cancer is so damn brutal. Thank you for your kind words of wisdom and for pointing me back to Andrea Gibson. She's such a North Star, isn't she? Sending hugs right back to you. XO
Wishing I could reach through this screen and hold you close. Cried when I got to the part about you singing to your mama. I can’t imagine anything more comforting to her. I hope one day Avery might send me off to heaven like that. I love you so much.
I hope we're all sent off from this life by the sweet voices of our beloveds. Wouldn't that make for a peaceful journey? Love you right back, my friend. XO
Grief is so personal and often enigmatic, Katrina. I worked with the bereaved for about ten years, traveled to sit with them, talk to them, mostly listen to their stories.
I've learned that often what we define as depression is really just trapped grief. There are sweet sides to grief, too - bittersweet, but it's strange and surreal when those moments pop up.
Maybe that's why I am heavy on reflecting when I write, that reflection is infused in my voice. It's because I know how fragile and fleeting life is, that I'm teetering on the precipice of death, and that death can mentor me in all the ways I lose and learn to let go.
The greatest gift we can give ourselves when we grieve is space to feel whatever we need to feel, and to be gentle and kind with the waves that hit us.
"Depression is really just trapped grief." I feel that so strongly, Jeannie. Maybe thinking that way will help me get through the hardest moments. Thank you for giving me a new frame of reference to help deal with those waves. XOXO
So much love for you friend. My mom's been gone for 16 years this August, this missing never goes away, but it sometimes lessens with time and makes room for all the best memories. At least that's been my experience. I think you're amazing and you get to carry them with you always in the best parts of you ❤️❤️❤️
The place of not knowing is where we are open most to learning, aren't we? Thank you for that reminder, Ginni. I'm going to remember to lean into what I don't know so I can begin learning and healing. XO
I remember reading that grief is really just great Love with no place to go. Somehow that offered a lens I could use that felt a bit softer. Two such significant losses, like book ends with all your shared life in-between. No right or wrong way to do this. Only our way. The only thing I have come to know is that somehow we learn how to carry the unimaginable and that it begins to feel different. Never better for me, simply different in that it doesn’t have as many sharp and barbed edges that cut me as it once had. It still can at times, yet not as often or as deep. Gentle and loving care as you make your way, Katrina. Your pictures are touching. The one of your bonus dad reading your mom’s obituary. Ooff, that got me. 💔
Grief is so hard - draining, unpredictable, at times all-consuming. I hope you and your therapist can find the way that fits for you to navigate it in the healthiest way possible ❤️
Katrina, August 25th will be the third anniversary of my husband's death from cancer. He was 53. Andrea Gibson, poet laureate of Colorado says, "Let your heart break so your spirit doesn't." It took me two years to let my heart break over his death. I was afraid I would be consumed by grief if I let myself fully feel the depth of my sorrow. Distracting myself only postponed the inevitable. I discovered that once I gave in to grief, I also connected to the love we shared. This may sound bizarre, but I look forward to my ugly cries because that's when I feel closest to him. There's no right way to grieve, but there's no wrong way either. Sending hugs and tissues, XO Amy
Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved husband. 53 is just far too young, but we don't get to have a say in that, do we? I lost my sister at 58 to glioblastoma. Cancer is so damn brutal. Thank you for your kind words of wisdom and for pointing me back to Andrea Gibson. She's such a North Star, isn't she? Sending hugs right back to you. XO
Wishing I could reach through this screen and hold you close. Cried when I got to the part about you singing to your mama. I can’t imagine anything more comforting to her. I hope one day Avery might send me off to heaven like that. I love you so much.
I hope we're all sent off from this life by the sweet voices of our beloveds. Wouldn't that make for a peaceful journey? Love you right back, my friend. XO
Grief is so personal and often enigmatic, Katrina. I worked with the bereaved for about ten years, traveled to sit with them, talk to them, mostly listen to their stories.
I've learned that often what we define as depression is really just trapped grief. There are sweet sides to grief, too - bittersweet, but it's strange and surreal when those moments pop up.
Maybe that's why I am heavy on reflecting when I write, that reflection is infused in my voice. It's because I know how fragile and fleeting life is, that I'm teetering on the precipice of death, and that death can mentor me in all the ways I lose and learn to let go.
The greatest gift we can give ourselves when we grieve is space to feel whatever we need to feel, and to be gentle and kind with the waves that hit us.
Sending you ❤️
"Depression is really just trapped grief." I feel that so strongly, Jeannie. Maybe thinking that way will help me get through the hardest moments. Thank you for giving me a new frame of reference to help deal with those waves. XOXO
I'm so glad that was helpful to you, Katrina. ❤️
So much love for you friend. My mom's been gone for 16 years this August, this missing never goes away, but it sometimes lessens with time and makes room for all the best memories. At least that's been my experience. I think you're amazing and you get to carry them with you always in the best parts of you ❤️❤️❤️
"Carry them with you always in the best parts of you." I love that, Mesa. XO
Anniversaries are always difficult. As someone once said to me about her loss, “It doesn’t get better, it gets different.”
More than once, you wrote you don’t know. Not knowing is a wonderful place to start.
Sending love and hugs.
The place of not knowing is where we are open most to learning, aren't we? Thank you for that reminder, Ginni. I'm going to remember to lean into what I don't know so I can begin learning and healing. XO
I remember reading that grief is really just great Love with no place to go. Somehow that offered a lens I could use that felt a bit softer. Two such significant losses, like book ends with all your shared life in-between. No right or wrong way to do this. Only our way. The only thing I have come to know is that somehow we learn how to carry the unimaginable and that it begins to feel different. Never better for me, simply different in that it doesn’t have as many sharp and barbed edges that cut me as it once had. It still can at times, yet not as often or as deep. Gentle and loving care as you make your way, Katrina. Your pictures are touching. The one of your bonus dad reading your mom’s obituary. Ooff, that got me. 💔
That picture of sweet Bobby looking at my mom's obituary wrecks me every time, too. He has Alzheimer's, and he'll look at her photos for hours. <3
Grief is so hard - draining, unpredictable, at times all-consuming. I hope you and your therapist can find the way that fits for you to navigate it in the healthiest way possible ❤️
Thanks, my friend. XO
Sending Love your way, Katrina! 🩵
Thank you so much, Leslie. XO
I'm very sorry for your loss 💕 Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute!
Thank you, Clare. XO
Thank you 🙏