This is so necessary to read, to hear and to absorb, Katrina. Yes, we must have hard conversations and not monologues, dialogues. I learned in chaplaincy training to actually say when someone was going on and on and on, "This feels like a monologue, are you interested in having a dialogue?" I could write a book as to the various responses I have received with this one. I'm with you, we need to become curious about one another, ask questions and open our hearts and minds to truly LISTEN. I'm listening, Katrina, keep sharing, every single bit of it matters as do YOU. ❤️🔥
For the majority they were not even aware of what they were involved in. Almost sheepishly taking a breath, a pause and allowing space for a conversation to happen. If a monologue was all they were interested in, it was evident and I was not their person for that. Perhaps someone else may be? Or, a memory just came in of someone saying, “ I have so enjoyed getting to know you.” My response, “ Oh, really, what stood out for you?” Lol😂😅I have a few zingers in my pocket and I have absolutely zero interest when it’s one sided. It exhausts me! You can see, that I have a monologue around this! 😆
As a rape survivor (17, serial rapist), you articulated exactly how I felt when Trump, and then Brett fucking Kavanaugh were elevated to positions of power; like a victim all over again.
I hear you, friend. It's PTSD-inducing, for sure. None of us who have been through what we've been through deserve to have to keep re-living it when these monsters are elevated to positions of power. It's sickening, and I'm sorry.
Thank you for your eloquence. You articulated what so many feel, and live. Always find it hard to believe also that people are trying to make the case of candidate preference in this election. It is life or death, to people, as well as democracy.
I will never, ever understand those who vote for him. I have tried to see it from all angles, and I just can't. And so far, no one has been able to offer me a reason that makes sense.
"I feel the art of conversation is slipping away."
There's so much to unpack in this essay, Katrina, so much I want to say. The entire paragraph about being silenced and dismissed and overlooked as a woman is exactly something I've been pondering for a while.
And then you said it's harder for queer women, for black women. I hear you. I do. I've witnessed a horrifying incident of racism recently, and I could not stand by. I didn't. I stood up to the woman who screamed and accused the biracial woman, and then I left to find the woman who was attacked. I was worried about her, about her safety.
There's so much going on. I feel that shift, too. I sense it in my bones. It has no words but it's a rising energy of something I can't name.
Now, about the art of conversation. I was speaking with my massage therapist about that this morning. We were discussing how so many people do not know the basics of getting to know someone: introduce yourself, ask a few questions about the other person, make eye contact, smile, maybe ask to keep in touch, say some parting comment, wave goodbye. BASICS.
Let alone the deeper skill of actually caring about each other.
I have never felt more physically ill, with the sensation that I might vomit, based on the direction of our culture and society, than I do these days.
It is such a hard time, Jeannie. There is so much at stake with this election, and I feel like it's poisoning all of us in some way or another. Thank you for standing up for the woman who was attacked. We all need to be doing that. We all need to be standing up.
Poison is a good word, Katrina. I feel it, too. I am trying so hard to stay out of the fray of politics and religion and all the ways people categorize and divide others. I cannot hold it all - all of the assumptions, the spite, the judgments, the blaming. What I can do, I’ve found, is respond with kindness and empathy and try to listen and be a peacemaker when I am in heated situations. But truly it seems everyone is going haywire with trauma triggers. I am wondering if there is an eruption of some collective trauma going on. Just my rambling thoughts…
Yep, I saw the documentary this past week, too. That Texas scene was deeply unsettling, as were the tweets. I admire you because you're so brave in first coming out, as well as being politically active. I am just now doing the same, and I find that my queer sisters have been there waiting for more support. They've been doing the hard work while I've been otherwise occupied. Thanks for all you do.
I'm new to the fight, too, Ilona, but I can't stand by and let these things happen anymore. Now that I know how it feels to go from white, hetero privilege to queer oppression, there's no denying what's happening out there. As a writer, I feel like the best way to help is through my words, but I still feel like it's not enough. We have so much work yet to do.
Wow, Katrina. This was incredibly written, thank you for your honesty and your strength and your voice. A shame for all those in your world who couldn’t or wouldn’t continue to value the gift of your wise, warm friendship. I am sure many others will hear your voice in its power & strength. And yes please to putting your voice out there with your political views (with which I am 💯 aligned). You have inspired me more than you know.
So much to take in here, Katrina. I finished Will & Harper last night too. I love how they showed how messy and raw and uncomfortable living as a trans person can be, because that’s reality. I love that Will was a loving and kind friend but also a flawed friend in some ways. And was anyone else scared for Harper’s solo drive back across the country, and not only because that car looked pretty unreliable and who knows where they’d be if/when they broke down??
You also touched on something I think a lot about these days - people are really self-absorbed and self-interested, and there is no conversation most of the time. People like you and me who are kind and thoughtful get suckered into becoming sounding boards for so many people. In my late 40’s now, I’m starting to sniff that out sooner in people and make my exit much more quickly. I feel I have to safeguard my precious and limited time from these energy vampires. It is a common trait among men, yes, but it’s also startlingly common among women too.
For sure, Amy. I’ve had many women want me to be their confidant, their sounding board, their go-to for all their emotional needs. And it’s really hard. The older I get, the more I just can’t do it. And we shouldn’t have to do it, right? But I think we probably both feel some guilt if we’re not actively meeting everyone else’s needs. (I say “we” because I desperately want to believe I’m not the only one with really bad boundaries. ;) ) And YES to Harper’s drive home! I’m terrified for her EVERYWHERE. I think Will added a much-needed buffer for the trip, but I worry that when she’s on her own, things could go sideways much more quickly.
I really think the neediest people gravitate toward us and take advantage, and they often don’t even know they’re doing it. I’m genuinely interested in other people, as I’m sure you are, and that gets me in trouble sometimes. But I’m learning to let go of any of that guilt because while those people are getting their needs met, who’s meeting mine?
This is so necessary to read, to hear and to absorb, Katrina. Yes, we must have hard conversations and not monologues, dialogues. I learned in chaplaincy training to actually say when someone was going on and on and on, "This feels like a monologue, are you interested in having a dialogue?" I could write a book as to the various responses I have received with this one. I'm with you, we need to become curious about one another, ask questions and open our hearts and minds to truly LISTEN. I'm listening, Katrina, keep sharing, every single bit of it matters as do YOU. ❤️🔥
I love this line: "This feels like a monologue, are you interested in having a dialogue?" I would love to hear some of the responses you received! <3
For the majority they were not even aware of what they were involved in. Almost sheepishly taking a breath, a pause and allowing space for a conversation to happen. If a monologue was all they were interested in, it was evident and I was not their person for that. Perhaps someone else may be? Or, a memory just came in of someone saying, “ I have so enjoyed getting to know you.” My response, “ Oh, really, what stood out for you?” Lol😂😅I have a few zingers in my pocket and I have absolutely zero interest when it’s one sided. It exhausts me! You can see, that I have a monologue around this! 😆
I love that monologue. I can’t stomach one-sided conversations, either. They’re just exhausting.
As a rape survivor (17, serial rapist), you articulated exactly how I felt when Trump, and then Brett fucking Kavanaugh were elevated to positions of power; like a victim all over again.
I hear you, friend. It's PTSD-inducing, for sure. None of us who have been through what we've been through deserve to have to keep re-living it when these monsters are elevated to positions of power. It's sickening, and I'm sorry.
Thank you for your eloquence. You articulated what so many feel, and live. Always find it hard to believe also that people are trying to make the case of candidate preference in this election. It is life or death, to people, as well as democracy.
I will never, ever understand those who vote for him. I have tried to see it from all angles, and I just can't. And so far, no one has been able to offer me a reason that makes sense.
"I feel the art of conversation is slipping away."
There's so much to unpack in this essay, Katrina, so much I want to say. The entire paragraph about being silenced and dismissed and overlooked as a woman is exactly something I've been pondering for a while.
And then you said it's harder for queer women, for black women. I hear you. I do. I've witnessed a horrifying incident of racism recently, and I could not stand by. I didn't. I stood up to the woman who screamed and accused the biracial woman, and then I left to find the woman who was attacked. I was worried about her, about her safety.
There's so much going on. I feel that shift, too. I sense it in my bones. It has no words but it's a rising energy of something I can't name.
Now, about the art of conversation. I was speaking with my massage therapist about that this morning. We were discussing how so many people do not know the basics of getting to know someone: introduce yourself, ask a few questions about the other person, make eye contact, smile, maybe ask to keep in touch, say some parting comment, wave goodbye. BASICS.
Let alone the deeper skill of actually caring about each other.
I have never felt more physically ill, with the sensation that I might vomit, based on the direction of our culture and society, than I do these days.
It is such a hard time, Jeannie. There is so much at stake with this election, and I feel like it's poisoning all of us in some way or another. Thank you for standing up for the woman who was attacked. We all need to be doing that. We all need to be standing up.
Poison is a good word, Katrina. I feel it, too. I am trying so hard to stay out of the fray of politics and religion and all the ways people categorize and divide others. I cannot hold it all - all of the assumptions, the spite, the judgments, the blaming. What I can do, I’ve found, is respond with kindness and empathy and try to listen and be a peacemaker when I am in heated situations. But truly it seems everyone is going haywire with trauma triggers. I am wondering if there is an eruption of some collective trauma going on. Just my rambling thoughts…
Yep, I saw the documentary this past week, too. That Texas scene was deeply unsettling, as were the tweets. I admire you because you're so brave in first coming out, as well as being politically active. I am just now doing the same, and I find that my queer sisters have been there waiting for more support. They've been doing the hard work while I've been otherwise occupied. Thanks for all you do.
I'm new to the fight, too, Ilona, but I can't stand by and let these things happen anymore. Now that I know how it feels to go from white, hetero privilege to queer oppression, there's no denying what's happening out there. As a writer, I feel like the best way to help is through my words, but I still feel like it's not enough. We have so much work yet to do.
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Katrina, you absolutely nailed this essay…I feel every. single. word!!
Thank you, Deb. I appreciate you.
Wow, Katrina. This was incredibly written, thank you for your honesty and your strength and your voice. A shame for all those in your world who couldn’t or wouldn’t continue to value the gift of your wise, warm friendship. I am sure many others will hear your voice in its power & strength. And yes please to putting your voice out there with your political views (with which I am 💯 aligned). You have inspired me more than you know.
Thank you so much, Amy. To say I’ve inspired you is the greatest gift of all. Let’s both continue to keep talking. ❤️
So much to take in here, Katrina. I finished Will & Harper last night too. I love how they showed how messy and raw and uncomfortable living as a trans person can be, because that’s reality. I love that Will was a loving and kind friend but also a flawed friend in some ways. And was anyone else scared for Harper’s solo drive back across the country, and not only because that car looked pretty unreliable and who knows where they’d be if/when they broke down??
You also touched on something I think a lot about these days - people are really self-absorbed and self-interested, and there is no conversation most of the time. People like you and me who are kind and thoughtful get suckered into becoming sounding boards for so many people. In my late 40’s now, I’m starting to sniff that out sooner in people and make my exit much more quickly. I feel I have to safeguard my precious and limited time from these energy vampires. It is a common trait among men, yes, but it’s also startlingly common among women too.
For sure, Amy. I’ve had many women want me to be their confidant, their sounding board, their go-to for all their emotional needs. And it’s really hard. The older I get, the more I just can’t do it. And we shouldn’t have to do it, right? But I think we probably both feel some guilt if we’re not actively meeting everyone else’s needs. (I say “we” because I desperately want to believe I’m not the only one with really bad boundaries. ;) ) And YES to Harper’s drive home! I’m terrified for her EVERYWHERE. I think Will added a much-needed buffer for the trip, but I worry that when she’s on her own, things could go sideways much more quickly.
I really think the neediest people gravitate toward us and take advantage, and they often don’t even know they’re doing it. I’m genuinely interested in other people, as I’m sure you are, and that gets me in trouble sometimes. But I’m learning to let go of any of that guilt because while those people are getting their needs met, who’s meeting mine?
Beautiful. True. It’s hard being a woman in this country right now, especially a queer woman. Your voice matters. We keep fighting xo
Onward we go, my friend. Always forward. XO
Never straight ; )
Brilliantly said
Thank you, Tracy.
“Most never ask. They just talk.”…. This was an incredible piece - thank you 🤍
Thank you so much.
Katrina, I’ll be brief. You have said it all, brilliantly! 💖🔥🙏🏻
Thank you, Radha.
So vital. This is excellent. I hear you and I see you. (My kids/family called me The Ruinator because I was the one to say no. Sigh.)