I have had 3 name changes. It's so disconcerting. I took my first husband's last name, took my own back after we divorced, and then I took my 2nd (and last) husband's name, which is mine now. And the "family name" thing is weird. Why does it matter? It's like a shorthand for permission (like the gas company won't speak to you if you don't have the same name or the school is reluctant to release the kids). It just shouldn't be this hard. One more way women jump through hoops to make everyone else comfortable.
I have been thinking about this question for quite a while. After divorcing in 2008, I kept my ex-husband's last name because I wanted to have the same name as my children. Like yours, mine are now grown. I remarried in 2021, and the only name change I considered was one back to my maiden name. Decided it was too much trouble, etc. Really appreciate reading this and the opportunity it's giving me to think more. So glad my daughter never thought twice about changing her name. Really wish I'd kept mine.
I took my husband’s name 45 years ago. Always kept my middle. Dudley and when our son was born (after 24 hours labor & last minute decision to “.go in with double forceps ) 8.5 lbs of a son arrived. Thrilled was my husband who asap announced “his name is Dudley !” I’m one of 6 daughters whose children or most carried Dudley as middle including the girls. The next unexpected pregnancy 2 years later c sans “sex reveal “. A girl. Born 2am. Lennox hill nyc. No drugs. 2 and half labor. So fast out 9 lbs beauty. He was just as thrilled. Albeit he still hopes our son and his wife add a boy to his sister. Yup . Men do want a legacy . Something in the ego just won’t let go.
I write under my Hebrew name. I was born with my dad’s surname. I changed it to my stepdad’s when I was in my early twenties as he was the father figure for me, from the age of four. I will die with this surname. Thankfully there is less pressure for name changes in our sapphic environment!
thank you for sharing your story. I would like to tell you what happened to me when I decided to go back to my birth name after leaving my first husband. (I live in California so I cannot say if it works this way in other states)
many people told me that it was a difficult and expensive process, you had to pay hundreds of dollars to an attorney blah blah blah.
Then a woman said to me, you don't have to do all of that. Just go to dmv, pay $12 and fill out a form stating that you are not changing your name in order to escape debts or otherwise defraud anybody . And bam --done.
And then you take your new drivers license to Social Security and get a new Social Security card.
I got some pushback at the bank, but they eventually got over it.
And after an intense and passionate relationship with a woman that I had to finally break off, my attitude was --whoever shows up that's the right person… Man or woman.
My present husband showed up and we became a couple really fast and one of the first things I said to him is --I'm bisexual, and if we ever get married I intend to keep my name and my property . And he was fine with that. he is still fine with it. We've been together 28 years now. It's a beautiful thing.❤️😀
I have four children. Each have their respective father's last name. When husband number two left me for a woman with five children of her own - but who had two breasts that were 16 years younger than my one remaining one - I legally changed my name back to my birth name.
In Canada, it doesn't take much time - and certainly not much money - to change your name back. You will be asked if you are doing this for nefarious purposes, but assuming you're not, in almost no time you will have a Change of Name certificate, and depending on the circumstances, a new birth certificate.
It is a bit of a pain changing all of your various IDs and credit cards, and bank account names etc., but it just felt right and I highly recommend it.
I have had 3 name changes. It's so disconcerting. I took my first husband's last name, took my own back after we divorced, and then I took my 2nd (and last) husband's name, which is mine now. And the "family name" thing is weird. Why does it matter? It's like a shorthand for permission (like the gas company won't speak to you if you don't have the same name or the school is reluctant to release the kids). It just shouldn't be this hard. One more way women jump through hoops to make everyone else comfortable.
I have been thinking about this question for quite a while. After divorcing in 2008, I kept my ex-husband's last name because I wanted to have the same name as my children. Like yours, mine are now grown. I remarried in 2021, and the only name change I considered was one back to my maiden name. Decided it was too much trouble, etc. Really appreciate reading this and the opportunity it's giving me to think more. So glad my daughter never thought twice about changing her name. Really wish I'd kept mine.
I took my husband’s name 45 years ago. Always kept my middle. Dudley and when our son was born (after 24 hours labor & last minute decision to “.go in with double forceps ) 8.5 lbs of a son arrived. Thrilled was my husband who asap announced “his name is Dudley !” I’m one of 6 daughters whose children or most carried Dudley as middle including the girls. The next unexpected pregnancy 2 years later c sans “sex reveal “. A girl. Born 2am. Lennox hill nyc. No drugs. 2 and half labor. So fast out 9 lbs beauty. He was just as thrilled. Albeit he still hopes our son and his wife add a boy to his sister. Yup . Men do want a legacy . Something in the ego just won’t let go.
I write under my Hebrew name. I was born with my dad’s surname. I changed it to my stepdad’s when I was in my early twenties as he was the father figure for me, from the age of four. I will die with this surname. Thankfully there is less pressure for name changes in our sapphic environment!
I love reading stories about women reclaiming and/or redefining their identities. 🙌🏼
Me, too. :)
hi Katrina,
thank you for sharing your story. I would like to tell you what happened to me when I decided to go back to my birth name after leaving my first husband. (I live in California so I cannot say if it works this way in other states)
many people told me that it was a difficult and expensive process, you had to pay hundreds of dollars to an attorney blah blah blah.
Then a woman said to me, you don't have to do all of that. Just go to dmv, pay $12 and fill out a form stating that you are not changing your name in order to escape debts or otherwise defraud anybody . And bam --done.
And then you take your new drivers license to Social Security and get a new Social Security card.
I got some pushback at the bank, but they eventually got over it.
And after an intense and passionate relationship with a woman that I had to finally break off, my attitude was --whoever shows up that's the right person… Man or woman.
My present husband showed up and we became a couple really fast and one of the first things I said to him is --I'm bisexual, and if we ever get married I intend to keep my name and my property . And he was fine with that. he is still fine with it. We've been together 28 years now. It's a beautiful thing.❤️😀
Thanks for sharing your story, Anitra. <3
I have four children. Each have their respective father's last name. When husband number two left me for a woman with five children of her own - but who had two breasts that were 16 years younger than my one remaining one - I legally changed my name back to my birth name.
In Canada, it doesn't take much time - and certainly not much money - to change your name back. You will be asked if you are doing this for nefarious purposes, but assuming you're not, in almost no time you will have a Change of Name certificate, and depending on the circumstances, a new birth certificate.
It is a bit of a pain changing all of your various IDs and credit cards, and bank account names etc., but it just felt right and I highly recommend it.