Katrina, what an honest reflection about your relationship with your body. So much of what you shared in this essay are thoughts and feelings I've held secret. But also not secret.
When I was in high school, all four of my best friends were skinny. I hated going shopping with them for clothes. I'd sit outside the dressing rooms and they'd emerge with some tight jeans and ask, "Do these make my butt look fat?" Then, without waiting for an answer, they'd check the tag and say, "Oh, I can't believe these are a size 8! I've always been either a 4 or a 6!"
I'd just sit there and wonder, then what do they think of MY size 12 ass?!
I never asked. But I always graciously told them how beautiful they looked, and I meant every word.
But I couldn't help but compare myself to them. They got the boyfriends. I didn't. Guys would flock to them at social gatherings, and at school, they'd approach me only to ask, "Where's your blond friend?"
So yeah. What you wrote is what I internalized to mean that my body shape was undesirable, which then meant I was undesirable.
There's so much our bodies go through and so much we put our bodies through. And now, at age 43, I want to learn how to be kind to my body. I haven't gotten to the point of loving it yet, but I usually accept it. It's a day to day thing.
Such exquisite writing and deeply courageous. I will never forget reading and hearing about how souls are lined up waiting for a body. The chance to incarnate and they will take whatever they have been given. No matter one’s beliefs, I’ve never felt quite the same once I allowed this to wash over me. My body knows me SO much better than I do. It’s my North Star 🌟 and loves what it loves. What that resembles now is for me to give thanks for the miles we have traveled together and to get as into it as I did my first boyfriend at age 15. Finally an ease and a deep bow for how diligently it works on my behalf. A marvel! Gentle and loving care to us all with these magnificent bodies that are as unique as we are❣️You are scattering seeds🌱Mahalo Nui.
It has changed me forever in how I view my body and the gift of it. I am SO delighted that it speaks to you as well. Indeed progression not perfection. One nano moment at a time. 💜
Thank you Katrina, for laboring to so exquisitely language this experience of embodied womanhood. May our liberation be corporeal and unmeasured!!!
Katrina, what an honest reflection about your relationship with your body. So much of what you shared in this essay are thoughts and feelings I've held secret. But also not secret.
When I was in high school, all four of my best friends were skinny. I hated going shopping with them for clothes. I'd sit outside the dressing rooms and they'd emerge with some tight jeans and ask, "Do these make my butt look fat?" Then, without waiting for an answer, they'd check the tag and say, "Oh, I can't believe these are a size 8! I've always been either a 4 or a 6!"
I'd just sit there and wonder, then what do they think of MY size 12 ass?!
I never asked. But I always graciously told them how beautiful they looked, and I meant every word.
But I couldn't help but compare myself to them. They got the boyfriends. I didn't. Guys would flock to them at social gatherings, and at school, they'd approach me only to ask, "Where's your blond friend?"
So yeah. What you wrote is what I internalized to mean that my body shape was undesirable, which then meant I was undesirable.
There's so much our bodies go through and so much we put our bodies through. And now, at age 43, I want to learn how to be kind to my body. I haven't gotten to the point of loving it yet, but I usually accept it. It's a day to day thing.
Such exquisite writing and deeply courageous. I will never forget reading and hearing about how souls are lined up waiting for a body. The chance to incarnate and they will take whatever they have been given. No matter one’s beliefs, I’ve never felt quite the same once I allowed this to wash over me. My body knows me SO much better than I do. It’s my North Star 🌟 and loves what it loves. What that resembles now is for me to give thanks for the miles we have traveled together and to get as into it as I did my first boyfriend at age 15. Finally an ease and a deep bow for how diligently it works on my behalf. A marvel! Gentle and loving care to us all with these magnificent bodies that are as unique as we are❣️You are scattering seeds🌱Mahalo Nui.
It has changed me forever in how I view my body and the gift of it. I am SO delighted that it speaks to you as well. Indeed progression not perfection. One nano moment at a time. 💜