First, an experience, and a thought: my divorce from my ex was horrific. He reacted as the drunk always acts, as the addict always acts, when you stop supporting the addiction. Striking out, scorching the Earth black. I was left with nothing, not even my children. I won them back, I earned my settlement, and I made a new life from zero. And I thought I would never be happy again. And somewhere along the way I learned that happy/joy is so elusive. It’s the oasis on the far side of the desert, but it’s not right next to you. Sometimes you get there, but you can’t live there. Being content is a place I can live. That doesn’t mean I’m not often happy and joyful but being content is the greatest gift of all, to me.
Second: it’s all horrific. I’m trying to keep creating, building community, and hunkering down. And I know we are in a position of privilege because of our white skin. As a Karen, we too, could get away with murder… Until we can’t. Until the leopards eat our faces as well. Know that I’m in it with you for the long haul.
The earth is my church now, and taking care of it, and my community is my great commandment.
Love you, my friend, and we’ve never even really met.
"Sometimes you get there, but you can't live there." Such truth, my friend. We just moved, and I'm going to work my ass off on creating community here. Small groups of love and action and understanding and power--I, too, believe that's the way forward. So much love to you. I can't wait until we can sit together in person and discuss all the important things. XO
I was at a dinner with friends as close to me as my own heart, and the unanimous plan for the next however many years til we pull our American heads out of our asses, was to hunker down within their relationship and family, and spend time near close friends in their community. I can’t think of anything better.
I also know lots of people don’t have those things to hunker into.
I feel every word of what you wrote here. I feel like even since the election, so many of us have drifted off to sleep in the warm water, forgetting that it’s on its way to a boil. 17 fucking days.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Everything I guess. But mostly that I’m with you. And I appreciate your voice — now more than ever.
I'm so grateful you have that community, Kate. I'm going to work hard to find my people here. Luckily, I have some built-ins because of Julie. And I find comfort, too, in knowing I have friends I haven't yet met. I feel I could show up on your doorstep, and you and Riggs would offer me respite. (I won't show up unannounced, though--I promise. ;) ) I am with you, too. Hunkering down. XO
I’m with you, Katrina. If ever there was a “one day, moment, breath at a time season” this IS it. May we welcome pockets full of peace and joy as they come. I had one yesterday, a baking day with my twelve year old nugget. Afterwards we played Old Maid and Go Fish. Does it get any better? Simple, connecting pleasures with our loves. I sense this will become our healing ❤️🩹 salve when the world feels on fire. Loving care, and all paws 🐾 crossed for some tender mercies. Heartfelt hugs. Xo💜
Your pocket full of peace and joy with your 12-year-old nugget sounds amazing, Joanie. I suppose if the world is burning down around us, we'll just want to be surrounded by those who love us--and those whom we love. I'm reminded of that heartbreaking scene in Titanic when the parents gently put their precious babies to bed as the ship sinks. Sending you so many pockets of peace and joy in the days and years to come. XO
Such a wise piece. Like you, I can't believe we're going back to the 1950's, and a woman's fate to be grabbed, assaulted, insulted, and demeaned by men, with impunity. I hope joy breaks through for you in 2025, as often as possible.
I wish the same for you, Mary. As much joy as possible in the days ahead. And if not joy, at least safety and contentment. Perhaps that will be enough. XO
Heartbroken right along with you, and aghast at everyone who made this happen. I am on the verge of tears so often. I know that this is unsustainable, but I'm taking it one step at a time, allowing my grief for as long as I need to. (Where that crosses the line to wallowing, I'm not sure.) I wonder if there is an actual red line--a time that we will rise up, millions of us, to protest this affront. Not for an afternoon, but nonstop, until change occurs. Or are too many people too comfortable? Will he turn the military on us? I can't imagine the body count. I am trying not to live in dread. It's hard. Hugs, Katrina.
I hear you, Wendy. I, too, wonder if we'll continue to gradually become used to the affront. Isn't that ultimately what they're after? Normalizing what is the furthest from normal? Sanewashing all of the unbelievable things that are being said and done and excused? I am ready to rise. I will not stop screaming with my words. My kids, our kids, their kids--the generations to come--they deserve it. We do, too. XO
They do deserve it. We do, too. How do you balance continual resistance with finding peace and joy in your own life? I had a hard time the first time around. Instead of making me stronger, I think it made me weaker. Wore me down. I don't really know how to bounce back, other than tending the wounds.
I feel all of this, Katrina. It’s like we are in a waiting area knowing the thing coming is awful, but there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do but take cover, try to gather up those we love who are now more vulnerable, and wait for the coming crap-storm. And also deal with the fact that more than half the voting public chose this. It hurts my head to think about what must happen inside a person to have the choice in front of them of an articulate, wildly accomplished, brilliant woman and an absolute pig of a man without any redeeming qualities anywhere….and to choose the man.
It’s hard not to feel powerless when we tried so hard to shift the tides in the direction of sanity and compassion, but I have been trying to help a neighbor of mine with some things. I know that might sound out of left field, but he’s old and alone and he needed a phone and a new fridge and a ride to the doctor. And he’s going to keep needing things, and I’m going to keep showing up. I realized I can be a safety net on my own block, and no one can stop me, and that feels good. So that’s my plan. Along with donating as much as I’m able to a few organizations that do good work. And I’m going to stay close to the people I love, and not let that man take up too much space in my mind because he doesn’t deserve it, and neither does anyone who thinks like him. So happy to have connected with you. I hope the joy shows up and surprises you here and there, even in the midst of a very dark time. Sending you lots of love ❤️
I love that you're helping your neighbor, Ally. That kind of service always reminds us of what is good and right in the world. Thank you for being a part of that. You've inspired me to do the same. Having just moved, I have lots of new neighbors to get to know. That's a gift. <3 Thank you, too, for reminding me to keep my head space as clear as possible. To remember who deserves space there and who doesn't. And thank you most of all for your beautiful words that brought us together. I will continue reading them and finding hope and being grateful for YOU. Also, everything you write makes me think, "MAN! I wish I'd written that!" So please keep on bringing your beautiful light to the rest of us. Sending so much love right back to you. XO
I will continue reading your words, too, along with so many of our talented friends, and somehow or another we will keep each other sane and/or scream into the abyss together/rest when we need to etc etc. And I know we’re all going to find ways to show up for people. Congrats on your move ❤️
I know you're broken-hearted about the outcome. I am, too. And furious, and all the things. You can still experience joy, because joy is an inside job. Don't let them take that away from you. If it's the one thing you do this year, hold on to joy. I'm sure he's not the only rapist who's held the office. So sure. But none of them were even close to his level of horrendous. That's not a pass, btw. We will survive this. Stay safe, build connections fueled by love and care.
Those people who call themselves "Christians" have no idea what the word actually means, or the responsibilities the role demands of them. They are clueless, but you're not.
"Joy is an inside job"--that's something I need to remember, Nan. When my second son was in the NICU, I remember feeling as if I'd betrayed him if I smiled or laughed or felt happiness. I wouldn't allow myself to feel any joy, and that was definitely a choice. I'm going to try to choose differently as much as possible in the coming days. XO
Like you, I don’t understand the ability to pull the lever to vote for the one who will most likely be installed in just over two weeks. It truly points out that these many years when so many thought that racism and misogny were gone, were entirely wrong. I have true fear at what this country will look like at the end of the next four years, or however long he and his cohorts cling to their power. As a woman i. her seventies, I am not sure I will live long enough to see a democratic or caring country. I hope I am wrong.
I hope you're wrong, too, Jan. I hope we all are. I hope the destruction isn't as bad as we all fear, but I can't shake the feeling that we have so many worse days coming. As a woman in her seventies, you deserve to live and love in a country that feels safe and caring. I hope we can provide that for you. XO
Yes, yes yes to all of this. I love the fire that is cooking in you as devastating as it all is, we cannot stop talking! Cannot stop telling the truth. We cannot do nothing.
Thank you I’m with your sister all the way
Unfortunately, I lost half my family on this one. Interesting times sending you a big hug.
I'm sorry about your family, Prajna. I, too, have lost so many. But I'm reconciling the notion that they were not my people if they can believe so strongly in such an abhorrent man and agenda. We will keep talking and truth-telling because that's what we writers were born to do! Now is the time to make sure our voices are heard. Sending you so much love, my friend! XO
First, an experience, and a thought: my divorce from my ex was horrific. He reacted as the drunk always acts, as the addict always acts, when you stop supporting the addiction. Striking out, scorching the Earth black. I was left with nothing, not even my children. I won them back, I earned my settlement, and I made a new life from zero. And I thought I would never be happy again. And somewhere along the way I learned that happy/joy is so elusive. It’s the oasis on the far side of the desert, but it’s not right next to you. Sometimes you get there, but you can’t live there. Being content is a place I can live. That doesn’t mean I’m not often happy and joyful but being content is the greatest gift of all, to me.
Second: it’s all horrific. I’m trying to keep creating, building community, and hunkering down. And I know we are in a position of privilege because of our white skin. As a Karen, we too, could get away with murder… Until we can’t. Until the leopards eat our faces as well. Know that I’m in it with you for the long haul.
The earth is my church now, and taking care of it, and my community is my great commandment.
Love you, my friend, and we’ve never even really met.
"Sometimes you get there, but you can't live there." Such truth, my friend. We just moved, and I'm going to work my ass off on creating community here. Small groups of love and action and understanding and power--I, too, believe that's the way forward. So much love to you. I can't wait until we can sit together in person and discuss all the important things. XO
I was at a dinner with friends as close to me as my own heart, and the unanimous plan for the next however many years til we pull our American heads out of our asses, was to hunker down within their relationship and family, and spend time near close friends in their community. I can’t think of anything better.
I also know lots of people don’t have those things to hunker into.
I feel every word of what you wrote here. I feel like even since the election, so many of us have drifted off to sleep in the warm water, forgetting that it’s on its way to a boil. 17 fucking days.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Everything I guess. But mostly that I’m with you. And I appreciate your voice — now more than ever.
I'm so grateful you have that community, Kate. I'm going to work hard to find my people here. Luckily, I have some built-ins because of Julie. And I find comfort, too, in knowing I have friends I haven't yet met. I feel I could show up on your doorstep, and you and Riggs would offer me respite. (I won't show up unannounced, though--I promise. ;) ) I am with you, too. Hunkering down. XO
You can brighten my doorstep anytime. (Text first so I can put a bra on 😬)
Bras are overrated.
Hashtag truth
Oh jinx— I didn’t even read your comment before I post mine
I’m with you, Katrina. If ever there was a “one day, moment, breath at a time season” this IS it. May we welcome pockets full of peace and joy as they come. I had one yesterday, a baking day with my twelve year old nugget. Afterwards we played Old Maid and Go Fish. Does it get any better? Simple, connecting pleasures with our loves. I sense this will become our healing ❤️🩹 salve when the world feels on fire. Loving care, and all paws 🐾 crossed for some tender mercies. Heartfelt hugs. Xo💜
Your pocket full of peace and joy with your 12-year-old nugget sounds amazing, Joanie. I suppose if the world is burning down around us, we'll just want to be surrounded by those who love us--and those whom we love. I'm reminded of that heartbreaking scene in Titanic when the parents gently put their precious babies to bed as the ship sinks. Sending you so many pockets of peace and joy in the days and years to come. XO
Such a wise piece. Like you, I can't believe we're going back to the 1950's, and a woman's fate to be grabbed, assaulted, insulted, and demeaned by men, with impunity. I hope joy breaks through for you in 2025, as often as possible.
I wish the same for you, Mary. As much joy as possible in the days ahead. And if not joy, at least safety and contentment. Perhaps that will be enough. XO
Heartbroken right along with you, and aghast at everyone who made this happen. I am on the verge of tears so often. I know that this is unsustainable, but I'm taking it one step at a time, allowing my grief for as long as I need to. (Where that crosses the line to wallowing, I'm not sure.) I wonder if there is an actual red line--a time that we will rise up, millions of us, to protest this affront. Not for an afternoon, but nonstop, until change occurs. Or are too many people too comfortable? Will he turn the military on us? I can't imagine the body count. I am trying not to live in dread. It's hard. Hugs, Katrina.
I hear you, Wendy. I, too, wonder if we'll continue to gradually become used to the affront. Isn't that ultimately what they're after? Normalizing what is the furthest from normal? Sanewashing all of the unbelievable things that are being said and done and excused? I am ready to rise. I will not stop screaming with my words. My kids, our kids, their kids--the generations to come--they deserve it. We do, too. XO
They do deserve it. We do, too. How do you balance continual resistance with finding peace and joy in your own life? I had a hard time the first time around. Instead of making me stronger, I think it made me weaker. Wore me down. I don't really know how to bounce back, other than tending the wounds.
I feel all of this, Katrina. It’s like we are in a waiting area knowing the thing coming is awful, but there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do but take cover, try to gather up those we love who are now more vulnerable, and wait for the coming crap-storm. And also deal with the fact that more than half the voting public chose this. It hurts my head to think about what must happen inside a person to have the choice in front of them of an articulate, wildly accomplished, brilliant woman and an absolute pig of a man without any redeeming qualities anywhere….and to choose the man.
It’s hard not to feel powerless when we tried so hard to shift the tides in the direction of sanity and compassion, but I have been trying to help a neighbor of mine with some things. I know that might sound out of left field, but he’s old and alone and he needed a phone and a new fridge and a ride to the doctor. And he’s going to keep needing things, and I’m going to keep showing up. I realized I can be a safety net on my own block, and no one can stop me, and that feels good. So that’s my plan. Along with donating as much as I’m able to a few organizations that do good work. And I’m going to stay close to the people I love, and not let that man take up too much space in my mind because he doesn’t deserve it, and neither does anyone who thinks like him. So happy to have connected with you. I hope the joy shows up and surprises you here and there, even in the midst of a very dark time. Sending you lots of love ❤️
I love that you're helping your neighbor, Ally. That kind of service always reminds us of what is good and right in the world. Thank you for being a part of that. You've inspired me to do the same. Having just moved, I have lots of new neighbors to get to know. That's a gift. <3 Thank you, too, for reminding me to keep my head space as clear as possible. To remember who deserves space there and who doesn't. And thank you most of all for your beautiful words that brought us together. I will continue reading them and finding hope and being grateful for YOU. Also, everything you write makes me think, "MAN! I wish I'd written that!" So please keep on bringing your beautiful light to the rest of us. Sending so much love right back to you. XO
I will continue reading your words, too, along with so many of our talented friends, and somehow or another we will keep each other sane and/or scream into the abyss together/rest when we need to etc etc. And I know we’re all going to find ways to show up for people. Congrats on your move ❤️
I know you're broken-hearted about the outcome. I am, too. And furious, and all the things. You can still experience joy, because joy is an inside job. Don't let them take that away from you. If it's the one thing you do this year, hold on to joy. I'm sure he's not the only rapist who's held the office. So sure. But none of them were even close to his level of horrendous. That's not a pass, btw. We will survive this. Stay safe, build connections fueled by love and care.
Those people who call themselves "Christians" have no idea what the word actually means, or the responsibilities the role demands of them. They are clueless, but you're not.
"Joy is an inside job"--that's something I need to remember, Nan. When my second son was in the NICU, I remember feeling as if I'd betrayed him if I smiled or laughed or felt happiness. I wouldn't allow myself to feel any joy, and that was definitely a choice. I'm going to try to choose differently as much as possible in the coming days. XO
Sending you my very best, KAW. LOVE to you. xo
Like you, I don’t understand the ability to pull the lever to vote for the one who will most likely be installed in just over two weeks. It truly points out that these many years when so many thought that racism and misogny were gone, were entirely wrong. I have true fear at what this country will look like at the end of the next four years, or however long he and his cohorts cling to their power. As a woman i. her seventies, I am not sure I will live long enough to see a democratic or caring country. I hope I am wrong.
I hope you're wrong, too, Jan. I hope we all are. I hope the destruction isn't as bad as we all fear, but I can't shake the feeling that we have so many worse days coming. As a woman in her seventies, you deserve to live and love in a country that feels safe and caring. I hope we can provide that for you. XO
Yes, yes yes to all of this. I love the fire that is cooking in you as devastating as it all is, we cannot stop talking! Cannot stop telling the truth. We cannot do nothing.
Thank you I’m with your sister all the way
Unfortunately, I lost half my family on this one. Interesting times sending you a big hug.
I'm sorry about your family, Prajna. I, too, have lost so many. But I'm reconciling the notion that they were not my people if they can believe so strongly in such an abhorrent man and agenda. We will keep talking and truth-telling because that's what we writers were born to do! Now is the time to make sure our voices are heard. Sending you so much love, my friend! XO
Oh, this really warms my heart today, dear friend and sister! let’s do this and keep holding each other’s backs. Thank you so much.