I saw that interaction and I was stunned by how irrational and aggressive that person was. They somehow took your few corrected and acknowledged missteps and created a whole persona of “ugly” about you. I was left feeling that the person seemed unwell. And I’m sorry I wasn’t an ally in that moment. I was low on emotional spoons.
It reminds me of a meme I have saved: “Shaming someone into action creates acting. Inspiring someone into action creates change.”
The way you initially responded, with grace and humility, was the inspiring part to me. That person was just a rampant shamer. Nothing good ever comes of that.
"A whole persona of ugly." Yes. That's exactly how it felt. Please don't apologize for being low on emotional spoons. I know you're standing here with me, friend. <3
I have always found it ironic when trying to stand up for something that is blatantly wrong, and someone doesn't like the way I'm standing that I'm somehow now an enemy. I stood on my right foot instead of my left and now I'm evil. It has never made sense to me. Corrections are fine if something is wrong, but to be attacked for trying is not the way.
Keep going my friend, happy to stand beside you. <3
This is the best thing I’ve read in months! I am not often jealous, but I am jealous that I didn’t write this. It’s exactly how I feel, this election broke my heart and changed me. I’ve already begun blocking sources of discord and I’m drastically simplifying my life. I don’t yet know how or when I’ll resist but I’m getting ready for it.
Thank you... and I'm sorry. I think so many of us are feeling the same way. I'm reading lots of books right now to be prepared for the resistance. I think knowledge is such a powerful beginning. I don't know what to do yet, either, but I'm ready to start when I do know. <3
Should be such a simple ask! Willie Nelson, when asked about his only family rule shared, “Don’t Be An Asshole!” I stand with YOU and Willie! Such a bummer to be on the receiving end, yet you knew what to do and did it. No room in our foxhole for ASS holes! They bring in with them a level of stink and stench we aren’t sticking around for! 💩🔥☄️
Willie is such an inspiration! The lovely Jen Pastiloff says it often, too. I wish more people would live by the "Don't be An Asshole" rule. It's really pretty simple, isn't it? (Your emojis are the best. <3 ) XOXO
I’m really sorry this happened. I know how much harder it makes an already really fucking hard situation.
That said, this is beautiful, what you’ve said here. And the fact that you are able to metabolize this kind of vitriol and still reach for our hands makes you someone I’d share the foxhole with any day. Bullets whizzing overhead.
Thanks for this article. For real, we all need to stop nagging at people that are on our own team! It has the net effect of obfuscating the real issues and dividing us. Someone said about this recently elected president that "cruelty is the point". Not only does he use it... but anyone that wants to undermine his opponents also uses it. They personally attack the the most vulnerable aspects of their fellow human beings to be right about their own position. This has left me surprised and sad. I hope that the pendulum swings far in the other direction towards compassion and understanding. Thanks for your stand.
Yes, "cruelty is the point." And being "right." I, too, hope we're able to find compassion and understanding again. I'm worried that the road ahead is going to be long and hard. Miss your face. <3
I’m so sorry. This type of behavior also tells those who might be allies, to stand down. And at this moment in time, in particular, I feel like that’s not a helpful message. It’s the damned if you do and damned if you don’t scenario. Thank you for your post. Thank you for your open heart. We can all learn more and … I would be happy to be in a foxhole with you. ❤️
Yes! I think someone with thinner skin might have backed down in the face of such vitriol. But luckily, I'm old and seasoned with writing rejection, so comments like the ones I received no longer stick to me. I'm grateful you reached out. See you in the foxhole! <3
Wow, Katrina. I am appalled and disgusted at the way you were treated. Sadly, I'm not surprised. Your demonstration of correcting your mistake and doing so with kindness and grace is, to me, a clear indication that others could have responded with openness, understanding, and maybe gratitude.
I cannot bring myself to participate in any of the verbal ventilation going on right now. But I want you to know that I agree about respectful dialogue. And on not being an asshole.
I think we all get to do what we can to keep our sanity right now, Jeannie. If not participating is what you need, then by all means, stay true to yourself! Those of us with loud mouths will continue to make noise! ;) (BTW, I'm so loving all your Notes lately. They are beautiful lessons and insights.) XOXO
I am so sorry this happened to you. As allies and supporters, we are going to make mistakes, and you accepted them constructively. I have made mistakes and wanted to crawl under a rock and delete the post(s). Thankfully, the person who corrected me did so gently, so I edited my post (a different platform) so others could learn. There is no reason for us to be attacking each other when we all want the same thing.
It's all about the learning, isn't it? When I screw up, I, too, want to delete my mistakes. But I always think if I've learned something, maybe someone else can, too. Gentle correction is always welcome here. And it's funny... I have a new job, and my boss just asked how I liked to receive feedback. My response? Gently. Standing right beside you, friend. XO
Deeply interesting, Katrina, and yes to the things you say - from supporting Trans people onwards.
I have a wonderful Trans Daughter, which has certainly given me better focus on Trans rights and my Daughter's struggle, but I think I was always supportive. The difference now is that it feels more personal to me - and I have been actively trying to learn more.
Along the way I make honest mistakes. Your own story of making honest mistakes - and being open about that, and learning more - is an important story to tell. So is your decision to set a boundary, and to disentangle useful "criticism" - and even normal human frustration - from entrenched anger. If someone is truly determined to always make you the "other" and to reject all attempts at finding common ground, disengagement is really the only way forward.
I have been very fortunate on Substack - so far. In general it seems to be a very supportive community for writers.
Like you, I fear for what is happening in your nation, and for the signals that sends to bigoted populists in other countries - including my own.
There is absolutely no way to get all of it perfect. I agree that education is power and we need to be able to make mistakes and keep moving on Learning as we go.
Someone who works in our house that goes by they or them. I told them I will probably butcher it and fuck it up 1 million times but I am trying.
They are good with that and never even made a request, but I learned about them when I called their reference so I’m trying. And when I make mistake, there is still kindness.
Hey Katrina I thought about this after I posted it and that you might misunderstand that I was trying to make a joke and light of something that was fairly tragic. I stand with you not with the nonsense.
I saw that interaction and I was stunned by how irrational and aggressive that person was. They somehow took your few corrected and acknowledged missteps and created a whole persona of “ugly” about you. I was left feeling that the person seemed unwell. And I’m sorry I wasn’t an ally in that moment. I was low on emotional spoons.
It reminds me of a meme I have saved: “Shaming someone into action creates acting. Inspiring someone into action creates change.”
The way you initially responded, with grace and humility, was the inspiring part to me. That person was just a rampant shamer. Nothing good ever comes of that.
"A whole persona of ugly." Yes. That's exactly how it felt. Please don't apologize for being low on emotional spoons. I know you're standing here with me, friend. <3
I have always found it ironic when trying to stand up for something that is blatantly wrong, and someone doesn't like the way I'm standing that I'm somehow now an enemy. I stood on my right foot instead of my left and now I'm evil. It has never made sense to me. Corrections are fine if something is wrong, but to be attacked for trying is not the way.
Keep going my friend, happy to stand beside you. <3
You can stand on either foot with me. Or on your head, for that matter. I know where your heart is, and that's what matters. <3
This is the best thing I’ve read in months! I am not often jealous, but I am jealous that I didn’t write this. It’s exactly how I feel, this election broke my heart and changed me. I’ve already begun blocking sources of discord and I’m drastically simplifying my life. I don’t yet know how or when I’ll resist but I’m getting ready for it.
Thank you... and I'm sorry. I think so many of us are feeling the same way. I'm reading lots of books right now to be prepared for the resistance. I think knowledge is such a powerful beginning. I don't know what to do yet, either, but I'm ready to start when I do know. <3
Should be such a simple ask! Willie Nelson, when asked about his only family rule shared, “Don’t Be An Asshole!” I stand with YOU and Willie! Such a bummer to be on the receiving end, yet you knew what to do and did it. No room in our foxhole for ASS holes! They bring in with them a level of stink and stench we aren’t sticking around for! 💩🔥☄️
Willie is such an inspiration! The lovely Jen Pastiloff says it often, too. I wish more people would live by the "Don't be An Asshole" rule. It's really pretty simple, isn't it? (Your emojis are the best. <3 ) XOXO
I’m really sorry this happened. I know how much harder it makes an already really fucking hard situation.
That said, this is beautiful, what you’ve said here. And the fact that you are able to metabolize this kind of vitriol and still reach for our hands makes you someone I’d share the foxhole with any day. Bullets whizzing overhead.
My hand in yours, friend. Always. We're going to find our way through these horrible days together. I'm here for the long haul. XOXO
Thanks for this article. For real, we all need to stop nagging at people that are on our own team! It has the net effect of obfuscating the real issues and dividing us. Someone said about this recently elected president that "cruelty is the point". Not only does he use it... but anyone that wants to undermine his opponents also uses it. They personally attack the the most vulnerable aspects of their fellow human beings to be right about their own position. This has left me surprised and sad. I hope that the pendulum swings far in the other direction towards compassion and understanding. Thanks for your stand.
Yes, "cruelty is the point." And being "right." I, too, hope we're able to find compassion and understanding again. I'm worried that the road ahead is going to be long and hard. Miss your face. <3
I’m so sorry. This type of behavior also tells those who might be allies, to stand down. And at this moment in time, in particular, I feel like that’s not a helpful message. It’s the damned if you do and damned if you don’t scenario. Thank you for your post. Thank you for your open heart. We can all learn more and … I would be happy to be in a foxhole with you. ❤️
Yes! I think someone with thinner skin might have backed down in the face of such vitriol. But luckily, I'm old and seasoned with writing rejection, so comments like the ones I received no longer stick to me. I'm grateful you reached out. See you in the foxhole! <3
Wow, Katrina. I am appalled and disgusted at the way you were treated. Sadly, I'm not surprised. Your demonstration of correcting your mistake and doing so with kindness and grace is, to me, a clear indication that others could have responded with openness, understanding, and maybe gratitude.
I cannot bring myself to participate in any of the verbal ventilation going on right now. But I want you to know that I agree about respectful dialogue. And on not being an asshole.
I think we all get to do what we can to keep our sanity right now, Jeannie. If not participating is what you need, then by all means, stay true to yourself! Those of us with loud mouths will continue to make noise! ;) (BTW, I'm so loving all your Notes lately. They are beautiful lessons and insights.) XOXO
LOL I definitely have a loud mouth, too! Thank you. Sending you love and hugs. XOXO
I am so sorry this happened to you. As allies and supporters, we are going to make mistakes, and you accepted them constructively. I have made mistakes and wanted to crawl under a rock and delete the post(s). Thankfully, the person who corrected me did so gently, so I edited my post (a different platform) so others could learn. There is no reason for us to be attacking each other when we all want the same thing.
I stand with you, friend.
It's all about the learning, isn't it? When I screw up, I, too, want to delete my mistakes. But I always think if I've learned something, maybe someone else can, too. Gentle correction is always welcome here. And it's funny... I have a new job, and my boss just asked how I liked to receive feedback. My response? Gently. Standing right beside you, friend. XO
Yup. I see that I’m having similar feelings to you… Just posted. No reason for this.
Sending lots of peace your way, friend. It's tough out there. XOXO
Deeply interesting, Katrina, and yes to the things you say - from supporting Trans people onwards.
I have a wonderful Trans Daughter, which has certainly given me better focus on Trans rights and my Daughter's struggle, but I think I was always supportive. The difference now is that it feels more personal to me - and I have been actively trying to learn more.
Along the way I make honest mistakes. Your own story of making honest mistakes - and being open about that, and learning more - is an important story to tell. So is your decision to set a boundary, and to disentangle useful "criticism" - and even normal human frustration - from entrenched anger. If someone is truly determined to always make you the "other" and to reject all attempts at finding common ground, disengagement is really the only way forward.
I have been very fortunate on Substack - so far. In general it seems to be a very supportive community for writers.
Like you, I fear for what is happening in your nation, and for the signals that sends to bigoted populists in other countries - including my own.
Clear voices are needed - and you have one.
Best Wishes from Australia - Dave
Yes Karen I mean Katrina
Petty and not pretty
Enough
Sorry that happened.
There is absolutely no way to get all of it perfect. I agree that education is power and we need to be able to make mistakes and keep moving on Learning as we go.
Someone who works in our house that goes by they or them. I told them I will probably butcher it and fuck it up 1 million times but I am trying.
They are good with that and never even made a request, but I learned about them when I called their reference so I’m trying. And when I make mistake, there is still kindness.
🌹💙🌹
Hey Katrina I thought about this after I posted it and that you might misunderstand that I was trying to make a joke and light of something that was fairly tragic. I stand with you not with the nonsense.
🌹